Along with mind-numbing chores like ironing and cleaning the bathroom (or cleaning anything, really), homework was created to make you suffer.

You spend all day at school doing work, and then you come home and are expected to…do more work?

That doesn’t seem reasonable.  That doesn’t seem reasonable at all.

What choice do you have, though?  The options seem to be either suck it up and do the work, or shrug your way in to detention when your teacher asks where it is.

But wait.  There is secret third path for those who dare to dream.  This one is for outside the box thinkers.

You don’t actually have to do your homework – you just need a reason why you can’t hand it in.

There are thousands of potential obstacles preventing you from doing so.  It’s your job to decide what those are, and blend them into a (semi) convincing excuse.  Don’t let truth stand in your way…let your imagination be your guide!

Want some inspiration? Here are a few ideas…..

1.   Eaten By The Dog

“I’m really gutted, because I put so much effort into it.  Bonzo ate all 72 pages.”

This has to be first, because it’s a timeless classic.  There’s a reason for that: dogs will eat anything.  Including your homework (especially when you smear it in gravy).

The problem is, no one is falling for it.  It’s been used and abused beyond the point of function.  You’d be better off telling your teacher that your homework spontaneously combusted.

2.   It Spontaneously Combusted

“Once I finished my homework, my entire desk exploded into flames.  I don’t know what happened.  Must be one of those freak events you hear about.  I’m just grateful to be alive.”

In life, things blow up randomly.  Boilers, microwaves, cola bottles, sub-atomic matter in space (see: the Big Bang).  And sometimes, pieces of paper.  There’s really no explaining any of it. 

(Won’t work in science class).

3.   The Amnesia Solution

“What?  Homework?  What are you talking about?  Where am I?  Who am I?” 

(To really sell this excuse, it’s useful to catch your own reflection in the nearest window, before screaming and sprinting out the room.)

You can’t be expected to do your homework if you don’t even know it exists.

Learn how the environment affects your studies and understand the best places to do homework for maximum productivity.

4.     Baffle Them With Nonsense

“I didn’t do it because in a cosmic equivalence of tri-planal hemispheric reasoning, one can only savor the calcaneus glow upon which quantum desires are rendered conscious.”

There are few things more humiliating to a teacher than a student making them look dumb.  With any luck, yours won’t understand anything you said, and will choose to save face by accepting your word-salad-jibberish of an excuse.

5.     Nosebleed From Hell

“I was busy proofreading my assignment, and then before I knew it my desk looked like a scene out of Evil Dead.  The paper was soaked in blood, and had to go in the trash.”

Only a psychopath teacher would expect you to submit homework stained with your own blood. 

(Watch out for psychopath teachers, though – they’re out there.)

6.     The Pursuit of Academic Greatness

“I felt that my essay on post-WWII European trade dynamics hit on some insightful, and potentially groundbreaking ideas.  So I sent it directly to the National Historical Institute. ”

Does the National Historical Institute exist?  No idea.  But that’s where this imaginary masterpiece is heading.

7.     Man on The Edge

“Listen, Mr. Sloane.  I’d love to hand in my homework, I really would.  But I simply don’t have the time.  I’m up to my eyeballs in paperwork at the office, and they got me pulling double shifts down at the docks.  Someone’s gotta put food on the table, so gimme a damn break, okay?  Geez.”

(Roll up your sleeves and smoke a cigarette for full effect.)

A 14-year old student carrying two jobs and a family might sound rather suspect, but no teacher with any decency should be giving a fellow tax payer grief over his homework.

8.     The Big Picture Guy

“I’ve seen how hard you work Mrs Daniels – giving you my homework is just one more thing for you to mark.  Seriously, take the night off for a change. Life is short.  Spend some time with the family.”

Optional extra: “Go on, let your hair down for once and make love to Mr

Daniels.” (Warning!  This may result in many months of detention.)

9.     From The Future

“This is going to sound strange, but I have recently travelled from the year 2057 and reassumed my 16 year old body.  Calculus is now a foreign language to me.”

No one who trips over and falls through a wormhole should be expected to do homework.

10.     Full Force of The Law

“As per article 727 of the Homework Act, I – creator and sole owner of ‘5 Rock Formations and Their Causes’ – reserve the right to intellectual privacy.  I do not wish for this piece of writing to enter the academic domain, and any attempts to extract said work will be met with appropriate legal action.”

Don’t worry – teachers are way too busy to go researching whether the Homework Act is a real thing.  (It isn’t, of course).

11.  Cyber Terrorism

“I couldn’t do my Math homework because my calculator has been hacked.”

You just have to hope your teacher has the technological comprehension of a caveman.

12.     Lost

“ I took my homework project with me on vacation, but we got stuck on a island in the middle of the ocean.  I wasn’t sure how long it’d be until we’d be rescued, so I put it in a bottle with the school’s address on, and threw it in the sea.  Did you get it?”

Mainland Europe is technically an island in the middle of the ocean., so it’s not a total lie.

13.     Niche Crime

“Someone broke into our house and stole all the pens, but didn’t take anything else.  Weird, right?”

Serious pen collectors are looking to add to their collection, even if it means breaking the law.  Surely your teacher must understand that.

14.  Most Wanted

“The FBI have confiscated all my written work.  Apparently they’re analysing my handwriting in connection with a murder case.”

Simply telling your teacher you are a suspected serial killer should be enough to get you off the hook.

15.     A Genuine Mistake

“I decided to take a different route to school, and accidentally dropped my completed Spanish homework into the volcano I passed.”

Mistakes happen.  Bags unzip unexpectedly.  Hands get slippery.  Especially when you’re carrying yesterday’s delightful Conditional Tense assignment near molten hot lava.  How unfortunate.

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